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7 Steps Towards Your Dream. Psychology of Happiness. PART 2 STEP 4

What do I want? And why?

So, there are a bunch of potential partners who can make you happy. Right now, some of you may be thinking, “Whoa, I could choose any of them but I chose HIM!” But it’s your choice! And any time you can change your mind and choose a different man. Do it! There is another option for you. You can put things right with the man you are with now and be happy with him.

One of my female clients once said, “I got married ten years ago. Everything was fine but there was no emotional bond.” “Why did you marry that man?” “I wanted confidence in the future, wanted to know that I would always have money, that my children would never be hungry…” “Did you get it?” “Well, yeah…” “It means you got exactly what you wanted.”

She has to understand that her husband did everything she ever wanted him to do and was everything she ever wanted him to be, that he doesn’t owe her anything. But suddenly she claims she wants understanding. What can she do? She can establish a new relationship with this man, the relationship that is based on emotional connection.

To make a long story short, a woman looking for a man should understand clearly:

Firstly: does she really want to get married?

Secondly: why?

Often women want to get married to prove they are normal. Once they do, they can’t expect anything else from the man they married. Your husband has helped you to achieve your goal and he starts living his life the way he wants. And you… you enjoy your marital status.

As for me, I’m a family man. But I understand people who say, “I like being alone and I don’t care what other people think.”

Live your life the way you want!

You have come to this world to enjoy your life… and let others enjoy theirs.

STEP 5

Down with suffering!

Does the poor old maid with a cat and a cactus, weeping over her failed life, really want this life? Turns out yes!

In fact, she has a bunch of ideas and conceptions in her head that prevent her from being happy, “For a woman of my age, there are no decent men left. Those who are still single are either alcoholics, have impotency or just crazy.” Then, “A street is not the place for decent ladies to make acquaintances.” But the street is where all kinds of people walk, including you!  The program “I don’t go to places where I can meet a good man” is popular among those over 25. The staff mostly consists of female employees and night clubs are boring. If you really want to do something about it, study “marketing researches.” Accept your friends’ invitations, go out. Go somewhere on vacation. Get it out of your head that vacation love affairs never have a happy ending. If you keep thinking this way, nothing good will really come out of it.

An old maid has what she has due to all those negative programs she lives according to. But being unhappy is actually… nice! According to books, suffering is pretty romantic. “Noble suffering could be seen on his face,” “The soul will clear itself with suffering…” Look at that cheerful face! Disgusting!

Suffering is always interesting. Who would want to watch a movie where the two get married, have children and live happily thereafter? But if she’s been waiting for him all her life, throws herself into the deep and the sea swallows her up – that’s life, that’s interesting!

Romeo and Juliet, Anna Karenina… When we suffer, we think we are like them.  And they are so noble, even though they came to a bad end… Poets and writers taught us love, but they themselves were unhappy in their love life.

Two people live together all their life. It’s good, but boring. Not as fascinating as in a novel. But since it is what you want, life will give it to you. It’s unlikely that you’ll like it. Reading it and living it are two different things. So, do you still think you will enjoy suffering?

STEP 6

Make a list of your wishes

There is a comedy where, in response to a friend’s promise to find her a rich husband, a waitress says, “Make sure he’s a tall brunet with blue eyes – an oil baron!”

The more you wish, the more you have to pay for it with time and emotions. You have to understand which “market sector” you want your future husband to be from. The sector of princes and oil barons is pretty small. You have to understand that such wish is difficult to fulfill and it also takes time. So if you don’t want to wait for too long, make your wish list short.

Actually, meeting an oil baron with blue eyes is possible. But you will have to get rid of all misconceptions in your head and believe that you deserve it. Here’s another story that involves a prince. A girl started working according to our program. She went to Europe. Three years later, at a party, she met some nobleman. He invited her to a reception. She was so close to having her wish come true… but she… she was afraid she wouldn’t know how to use cutlery and eat lobsters, and her dress wasn’t good enough... She didn’t go. But she was close. She only had to stretch out her hand and take it. But her negative program “I don’t deserve it” prevented her from doing it.

STEP 7

You shouldn’t always be right!

Hell with princes. So many people around us find themselves in really bad situations. I had a friend whose boyfriends were all neurasthenics or impotent men. Another friend of mine was married trice and all her husbands were heavy drinkers. Ask your friend, “Do you want to live like this?”

Of course, she’ll reply, “No way!” Nevertheless… Imagine a little girl whose father (or an uncle) is a neurasthenic or an alcoholic. She makes a promise to herself, “A man should never be like this. Not with me.” But remember, what you are running away from, what you hate will always follow you. It will catch you.

Besides, her first husband drinks a bottle of beer a day. As soon as she sees it, she goes, “Are you drinking? Drinking’s bad!” And he reacts accordingly and starts drinking three beers a day.

Angry and irritated, she leaves him… Her second husband drinks vodka. She keeps fighting his bad habit with the same enthusiasm, and her third husband starts stealing things from home. It gets only worse.

Life says “yes” to everything you ask it for. In fact, people have a need to be right. To prove that they are right, people are ready to sacrifice their health, family, life. But how can a woman prove to a man that it’s bad to be a drinker or a hysterical impotent?

Coming across such people… and every time trying to explain it to them at the cost of her life.

Naturally, meeting another “walking proof” of her rightness, this woman doesn’t ask him, “Are you an alcoholic? Maybe an impotent? You know, I’m looking for one…” But subconsciously we read each other like a book. Besides, the first impression is usually the right impression. So, this woman chooses those with whom she can feel that she’s right again.

How can one change it? First of all, it’s important to understand the situation and figure out what’s wrong. My friend once said, “I have a feeling, that men change in my life but the situation doesn’t. I make another round to find myself where I started.” “It means you keep making the same mistake. The problem is not in them, it’s in you.”

If a person keeps proving his case, it means he just doesn’t want to get rid of the program. The next step for him is to accept that this world has everything one needs to be happy and enjoy this life. Choose what you like and don’t judge those who live their life the way they want.

Unhappy people benefit from their misfortunes, “See, I was right!” Once Carnegie saw an inscription on a gravestone saying that a person resting there died while crossing the street. He asserted his right to cross it. He was just as dead as if he had been wrong.

Let yourself be not right but happy!




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